Amma Mazhathullikal

Prisoners of Destiny

PRISONERS OF DESTINY

I am locked in a room, where the past holds the key
The future erased from the stagnant time.
With the walls of hell surrounding, I lie,
Drowned in shame and drenched in grime.

My freedom chained to the walls of fears
Hopes fell in the furrows of triviality
I lay naked on the frozen floor in tears,
With skin fused to the deceiving reality.

Hunger’s sighs silenced by the pry of violence
Face of destiny distorts in fierce storm
Caravans of peace swallowed in flames of belligerence
My heart no more discerns love, to keep me warm

Neurons in my brain have failed the feelings to spark
And falls short to light up the lanes in my memory.
I float like a lifeless jelly fish, unseen by the sharks,
Waiting, to be swallowed by the vortex in fury.

Roused in fervor, I strive to hear voice within
When my frail fingers seek to stretch the eyelids sealed
The last flames in wind struggle to give in
Blurring my vision and ridding my shields

Swiftly, like the end of stillness before dawn
I hear the rain drops beyond the whisper
Thoughts rushing, with memories of yesteryears gone,
Impel my clogged existence to quiver

Layers of despair and the tyrant walls recede
Revealing the mountains covered in fescue.
While the shadows of misery fade
Marching brigades with bugles come to the rescue

Standing by the shade of the majestic flag in wind
I look up to the heavens reflecting strife
The forlorn Clouds become stars aligned
My eyes filled in joy, seize red and blue stripes

Personified October

                    October Frost - A Modern Fairy Tale

   

With wrinkled jute rag sewed on to dry leaves covering his frail body, October sat alone on a stump next to the stream. He gazed in to the reflection of dark cloud that hid the moon. Mindlessly he picked up pebbles and threw them into the cloudy water. Ripples made the moon to emerge in the reflection. May be it is the stigma from the faulty name; he always kept his head down. “October, yeah... the eighth month” he stood and removed his red maple leaf covered hood. Then cleared his thought and spit in to the water. Bunch of hungry sunfish raced to feast on it.

Cycles of sadness, revulsion and rage formed deep scars on his face. Shabby grown hair all over his face made him look like an oak tree infested with canker worms all over it.
“What a day it was? Way too long for an old wretch like me.”

October cocooned himself with his wrists supporting his face and the arms resting on his thighs. Depressed and tired, he mumbled “Everyone looks at me like an old clown that has lost its wit. Even the kids run away scared seeing my shadow”.

The air was filling with curses and frustration everywhere. Men fixed the snow blowers and searched the garage for the missing nut. The bitter wind blew again and again forcing the elderly to continue raking forever. The old woman looked at the stain from egg thrown by the teenagers. She just learned the lesson not to turn the lights out early on Halloween night.

“I am so tired. I cannot go any farther tonight.  Can those people making calendar trim me and make the year shorter? That should make at least few people happy.”

To cover his anger ensuing from despair, he tried to laugh loud and scream. His roar turned cool air to gusty wind making the sidings of homes to pound and the roofs to shake.  Children screamed and jumped out of the bed then ran to their parents. In that tremor the trees dropped the last leaves dead clinging on to its branches.

Even in the anguish of his unrequited love, October maintained an unfading hope for his dream to turn real. Just the thought of the arrival of the enchanting November dressed in orange velvet casting golden shadows flared up warmth inside him. The prudent March told him several times “You live in Dreams my friend, November is a witch, get over it and move on”. He always took it as a joke and laughed like the east wind that pounds the pine trees in fury.
Everyone except him believed that the highly ambitious and the most desired among months, November is no sweet. Her overconfidence blinded in arrogance kept her single for all this long years and away from him. He looked in to his open palms with lines mutilated by the candles fallen from the carved pumpkins in the wind. Those burns erased the lines of his future beyond prediction. For October the future is uncertain and the present waited to be swallowed by the painful bitter cold. He simply continued to live in the moment without being bothered by anything.

He couldn't believe the world is so unappreciative and mean. Even after doing all those risky amusements for kids, they blamed him for anything and everything when he was out of sight. No one tried to know the real October or shared his sorrows. He just bared the pain for everyone else.

With only few hours left for hibernation, October walked close to November’s home. His knees wobbled and the heart pounded faster than ever. Gathering all his strength October raised his hand to knock the door; but the next moment he froze like a rain drop trapped in time before reaching the destiny. He stretched every fiber in his body to listen to the song from her grand piano, the song he wrote for her when he was young and blind with love. The story of two lovers and the merciless time keeper, that played its cruel mischief to keep them apart for ever.

October walked through the yard aiming for the closest wall to listen to the music and sat leaning against it. With his ears pressing to the wall outside November’s home, his dreams and mind blended in to that magnificent cadence. Without him knowing, tears rolled down his cheeks. While the stars and the clouds watched him disappearing, the wind from the east made his tears dry. It smeared those white salty smudge all over the grass and the windows.

The Faces I see (Anecdote)

The Faces I see 

(Anecdote English - A typical day viewed bit differently)

When the alarm on my cell phone breaks the unpleasant news by churning out the noise that is hated by everyone and forces me to wake up, terminating my beautiful dream, I curse myself for not setting it for an extra fifteen minutes of sleep the previous night. The face of touch screen on my phone works perfectly except for the snooze button that can never recognize my finger tips. I look around and see no faces but the blanket covered bodies of my wife and the kids who invade our bed at some weird hours of the night. Getting out of the bed, I look at my spread palms kept side by side and touch my face with it. A habit started after reading a yoga article that is supposed to give self confidence and trust in oneself. The face I see first is my own face in the mirror, the face that I can never remember of any specifics but very easily recognized. May be because it changes every day and my brain fails to compare the current face with the previous day’s picture of my face stored. But I can tell without doubt that “It is my face” looking in a mirror even if I get woke in the middle of the night.

After pressing the remote control to close the garage door, waiting and looking back for the head light of the car driven by the faceless unknown person to pass; I am on my way to work. Passing by the faces of the school kids, some looking drowsy and half asleep, few of them smiling curiously looking who is in the car looking at them. Moment my car stops at the stop light, by involuntary impulse I look at the cars and the people in it halted on my side and when the eyes of each other locks , I feel self-conscious and instantly the embarrassment makes me forget the face I saw.

The colorful sky in the east that facing me prepares to display the magnificent rising Sun makes me look for my phone to record the video of the moment the sun comes out behind the trees. The hills and the buildings block my view and in disappointment I continue my ride passing very many faces. While driving through the wooded area near my work, the face of the deer so pitiful fills my mind. The moments it hit my car and then disappeared flashes in my brain. In my mind I ask myself “Did that deer die or is it still alive?” I force myself to believe that it is still alive and working as a Deer Safety Patrol Office for the deer community in that area, educating and guiding all it’s constituents in it’s jurisdiction to be safe while crossing the road. I am sure it also will tell them it is not really their fault, but the humans who encroached their habitat in the name of civilization and urban development are the real culprits. After passing few faces indulged in makeup I raise to stay ahead of the tobacco inhaling faces in paranoia, avoiding the cigarette butt blazing my car from the leaked oil, in the road. At the end I reach the automatic faceless security gate that rise to welcome me with all the respect I deserve. Far from the gate, setting my eye on the closest parking spot with the least walk to the building, I aim my car to my destined target like an arrow to the bull’s eye. From nowhere a car comes and puts the break in my dream spot and the dismal look he gives me will make me remember that face for a long time storing it in my very short term memory cells. The faces at work, same every day moving around in the hallways, break room, meetings chatting, smiling are moving around like planets where the sun is an insignificant one. 

On the way home, stopped besides the chattering school buses and the tired faces driving cars looking as if they never were happy in life. I roll my window to let some fresh breeze slap my face that makes my hair stand up and my brain cools down. I pass the yellow light before changing red in photo finish. I see the face of the guy who ran the red light looking around and smiling like the crocodile wrestler coming out of the water with all the body parts at the appropriate places and intact. I feel like telling him to thank the guy who won the case against placing cameras at intersections, and then I tell myself it is not a good idea and drive eagerly to pick and see my kid’s smiling faces. 

The cheerful face of the preschool teacher and then the look on my son’s face asking, “Why Daddy, you came to pick me today day? Why not Mom?” hurts me a bit but ignoring it I ask him if he loves me and in agreement he nods and smiles at me and hug from him settles the discontentment. A little bit of consolation! The old man in the Kwick trip Gas Station who lures my son giving the thinnest piece of pizza that can be sliced from the smallest slice of an 8” Pizza to buy the whole pizza is the one face I try to avoid but end up placing myself in his trap all the time.

Malayalam Poem: ഏകാകി (aekaki)

നക്ഷത്രങ്ങള്‍ മറന്നുപോയ ഈ രാത്രിയില്‍ ‍

അവസാനത്തെ മിന്നാമിനുങ്ങും പറന്നുപോയി

കാര്‍മേഘം മൂടിയ എന്‍റെ മനസ്സില്‍   

 പുതുമഴയായി ഒരു സ്വപ്നമെങ്കിലും വരുമോ?

-

ശിശിരത്തില്‍‍ ഇലകൊഴിഞ്ഞു നഗ്നമാക്കിയ ആ മരത്തില്‍

ഏകയായി പാടാന്‍‍ മറന്ന് ആരെയോ കാത്തിരിക്കുന്ന

കുയിലിന്‍റെ ഗദ്ഗദം മാത്രം എന്‍റെ കാതുകളില്‍‍ മുഴങ്ങുന്നു

-

നിസ്സംഗമായി ഒഴുകുന്ന ഈ കുഞ്ഞരുവിയില്‍    

എന്‍റെ കണ്ണീരും ഓര്‍മ്മകള്‍ക്കൊപ്പം ഇരുട്ടിലൂടെ ഒഴുകുന്നു

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വിജനമായ ഈ പൂന്തോപ്പില്‍ വിടരാന്‍ വെമ്പുന്ന മുല്ലമോട്ടുകളില്‍‍

ഞാന്‍ എന്‍റെ മുഖം ചേര്‍ത്ത് പിടിക്കട്ടെ

അത് വിരിയുന്ന ആ നിമിഷം ..

ഞാന്‍ അതിന്‍റെ  സുഗന്ധം  ആവഹിചെടുക്കും   

പ്രഭാതത്തിന്‍റെ കിരണങ്ങളെ ആ ഇലകളിലെ മഞ്ഞുത്തുള്ളികള്‍‍ മഴവില്ലായി

എന്‍റെ മനസ്സില്‍‍‍ വിരിയിക്കട്ടെ

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 Translated   to  Hindi by Prof (Dr. Thomas Mukalayil)

इस रात में जिसे तारे भी भूला बैठा है आकरी जुगनू भी उड़ चला है

काले काले बाधालों से घिरे मेरे दिल मैं सपना एक आएगा पहली बारिश के रूप में

जाड़े में पते चद्दे  नंगे पेड़ के डाली  पे अकेली बैठी कोयल गाना भूली 

किसी की बात  जोहती रहती है  अपनी  uski गदगद भाव मेरे कानों में गूंजती है

इस चरनी में जो निसंग हो कर बहती ही रहती है  यादो की साथ मेरे आसू भी बैठे रहते है

इस सुनसान फुलवारी में गिलने को उदावली चमेली की कालियों के साथ उपने चेहरे को

 लगालू ज्यों ही वे घिली में उनकी सुवास को सून्गा कर आत्मसंस्कार कर लूँगा

 उषा की किरणों उसके पतों पर पड़ी  तुषार बिन्दुवों से मिल कर

 इन्द्र धनुष बन कर मेरे मन में  खिल उड़े

..

Me & My Writings

When the life woven in streaks of dreamscraft patterns blending colors for tomorrow,my memories from the past meltsalong with the mist, past my faded vision.

My thoughts, like the waves that erase foot printsnever stop caressing my mind, to hold the bloom for ever.My heart, like the reflections on dew dropsnever stop following light, kindling the flare within

Like a lone child building the castle on the shorefar from the tide and the lingering wind,hoping the night will drop its jewels overI sit waiting in the shade left by the wise.

Malayalam Poem: ഇന്നലെ കണ്ട സ്വപ്നം (Innale Kanda Swapnam)

ഇന്നലെ കണ്ട സ്വപ്നം ഇനിയും ആവര്‍ത്തിക്കുമോ?
മുന്നാലെ പോയവര്‍ വഴിവിളക്കണക്കുമോ?
റാന്തല്‍ വെളിച്ചം പൂന്തിങ്കളിന് അല്‍പായുസാകുമോ?
വിടരുന്ന പൂവിന്‌ ശലഭങ്ങള്‍ ശല്യമാകുമോ? -----

കാലം സമയാശ്വത്തിലെ യാത്രയില്‍ ദുരിതത്തിന്‍ വിത്തുവിതച്ചു അത്യാഗ്രഹത്തിന്‍ പേമാരിയില്‍ അവ വളര്‍ന്നുയര്‍ന്നു
സത്യത്തിനു തിമിരമുള്ളോര്‍ ഭലങ്ങള്‍ കൊയിതെടുക്കുന്നു
കച്ചവടക്കണ്ണുമായി പാഞ്ഞടുക്കുന്നു ചൂഷകര്‍


 പകല്‍ വെളിച്ചത്തില്‍ മുടന്തി യാചിച്ചവന്‍, ഇരുട്ടില്‍ കോമരം തുള്ളുന്നു
 ഭീതിയുടെ കൊടുംകാറ്റില്‍ തണല്‍മരങ്ങള്‍ കടപുഴകുന്നു


അധികാര കസേരതന്‍ നിഴലിനും ചുടുചോര തന്‍ ഗന്ധം
നീതി തന്‍ തുലാസില്‍ തുലാഭാരം നടത്തുന്നു ന്യായാധിപര്‍ -

 മാറ്റത്തിന്‍ കുപ്പായമണിഞ്ഞ ജ്ഞാനികള്‍ ചെകുത്താന് കിരീടം വയ്ക്കുന്നു ശീലാവതി ചമഞ്ഞവര്‍ അഗ്നിശുദ്ധി വരുത്തി സീതയെ കാട്ടിലേയ്ക്കയക്കുന്നു -

 പാഞ്ചാലി സ്വയം വിവസ്ത്രയായി, പാണ്ഡവര്‍ കൈകോട്ടിച്ചിരിക്കുന്നു ചക്രവ്യുഹത്തില്‍ അകപ്പെട്ട അഭിമന്ന്യു കൌരവരോട് മാപ്പ് ചോദിക്കുന്നു


ദേവാലയങ്ങളില്‍ മെഴുതിരി കത്തിച്ചു കീര്‍ത്തനം പാടുന്നു യുദാസിന്‌
വിളറി പിടിച്ച നായകള്‍ നാണത്താല്‍ മൌനം ഭജിക്കുന്നു


നാളത്തെ സ്വപ്നം പുത്തനാകട്ടെ
മുന്നാലെ പോയവര്‍ വഴി വിളക്കാകട്ടെ
റാന്തല്‍ വെളിച്ചം പൂന്തിങ്കളിന് പകിട്ടേകട്ടെ
വിടരുന്ന പൂവിന്‌ ശലഭങ്ങള്‍ കൂട്ടായിടട്ടെ